just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
