Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
