She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
