I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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