quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
