so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
