you turned your livingroom into a bong?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
