I think I won the penis lottery.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
