what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
