you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm too high and old for this...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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