nut hugger
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
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