Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
