So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
