I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
