I wannas sexs uuuuu
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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