I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
