I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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