I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
