so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
