I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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