using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
