Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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