She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
