I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Randomize
