I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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