A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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