Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
