Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
