I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
