I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
