i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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