Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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