still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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