I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
