Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize