Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
