So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
