hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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