I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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