Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
