The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
