the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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