Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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