put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
