Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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