somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
