The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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