Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
