a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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