fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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