she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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