i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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