I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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