God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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