I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
