Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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