Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
