I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
