I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
