Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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