Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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