we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
