Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
