please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
