he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
