my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
