I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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