Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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