I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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