every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
