So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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