I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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