ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
