Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Randomize
