Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
