you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
