the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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